I wish my name was Rob because then I would go to the Bellagio take a selfie and post it with the caption call me Danny Ocean cause I’m Rob in the Bellagio
Bit of fluffy crack for you all, something that’s been sitting in my wips for months and I finally got round to finishing today - enjoy!
‘’Doc, what the hell is your creepy blanket thing doing?’’
Strange doesn’t lift his head. ‘’It’s not a blanket. It’s a Cloak of Levitation.’’
Tony glances over to where the cloak is bobbing gently up and down, right beside where Peter is sprawled on the couch and snoring softly into a pillow. From the tilt of the high collar, it’s clear that the cloak is focusing on Peter’s face.
‘’Well, your Cloak of Levitation is being creepy.’’
Strange looks up then, dark eyes narrowing thoughtfully as he smirks.
‘’Seems it has a particular fondness for your intern.’’
Tony meets Strange’s knowing smirk with a pointed glare, though his attention is quickly back on the cloak again when it ruffles itself loudly.
Strange stands up with a frown and walks over, looking curiously down at Peter. Tony makes a bewildered noise when the man places a hand against Peter’s forehead.
‘’He’s got a fever.’’
‘’What?’’ Tony hurries over, touches his palm to Peter’s skin and curses softly when he feels the heat against his fingers. ‘’Damn it. He said earlier he wasn’t feeling great. I figured he meant that he was tired, not turning into a volcano.’’
‘’It’s not that bad,’’ Strange reassures softly. ‘’Peter? Can you hear me?’’
Peter snorts himself awake instantly, revealing bloodshot eyes that flit back and forth between Tony and Strange in sleepy confusion. ‘Wha - somethin’ wrong? Is there a miss - ‘’
‘’Nothing’s wrong, kiddo,’’ Tony says softly, gently pushing his hand against Peter’s shoulder when he tries to sit up. ‘’Just checking your brain hasn’t fried. That’s quite a fever you’re sporting there.’’
‘’Oh,’’ Peter immediately falls back against the couch, closing his eyes again. ‘’Yeah, it sucks. Wouldn’t recommend.’’
No but for real Natasha and Tony would be the only Avengers who know anything about makeup & Such and I just…. imagine they’re getting ready for a press conference one morning and Tony is like ‘hey Nat can I borrow your eyelash curler real quick before we go out there’ and so she hands it over to him and then when Tony brings it up to his eye and fuckign clamps down Steve, Thor, Bruce and Clint all just start fuckign SCREAMING
Nat & Tony having an inside joke where they’re like ‘how’s the pain, scale of 1 to Brazilian-Wax’ in order to establish how bad wounds are (Tony once broke his collar-bone and Nat asked whether they were at Brazilian yet and Tony was like. You know what. No) and the rest of the team are just like ‘You’re seriously trying to act like a bit of wax is as bad as a BULLET’ and so Nat and Tony just DeadStare them before booking all of them in for a wax the next day.
Steve (super-soldier sensitive) cries. They start using the ‘1 to Brazilian’ scale after that too
The best thing Thor’s discovered about Midgardian Culture is the manicure. He walked in on Tony and Nat giving one another mani-pedis one day and when Tony offered to push back his cuticles for him Thor became so delighted with the ‘fancy pushing stick’ that Tony let him keep it. Now it is commonplace for Thor to whip out his new favourite Human invention whenever he gets bored. It’s all he ever fucking does during Charity Galas or PR events, but you know what, it’s better than creating national incidents, so no-one’s saying anything
In honor of Father’s Day. Tony Stark displaying very Dad-like tendencies when it comes to one Peter Parker. No Endgame spoilers
“How many are you gonna eat?” Tony asks, standing in front of Peter. “How many? I’d like to know an exact number. I’d like to know your plans.”
Peter stares at him, and he feels like he’s been caught, despite the fact that Tony’s been across the lab since all of this started. This, being—creating the giant pile of plastic beside him.
He’s in the middle of Number Unknown ice pop, and this one is green. He’s had at least six other green ones. He thinks.
Peter continues staring at Tony. He doesn’t know what to say. His hands are numb and frozen, he’s got a brain freeze. His whole head is an ice pop. He’s still eating an ice pop. Ice pops. Ice pops everywhere.
Tony narrows his eyes. He’s in the patented Dad pose, hands on hips, head cocked, eyes narrowed, brows furrowed. His mouth is slightly agape, because he’s stuck between shock and deciding what he needs to say next. Peter can tell.
“When I bought those I thought you might be having one,” Tony says, eyes darting back and forth between Peter, his ice pop, and the pile of remains beside him. Some of the plastic strips still have juice clinging to them, the juice he couldn’t suck out no matter how hard he tried. A rainbow of juice drops left behind.
“Peter,” Tony says. He steps closer, leans down. “Earth to Peter Parker. Are you in an ice pop coma? Is someone forcing you to consume as many ice pops as possible? Blink twice for yes.”
Peter, walking into Stark Tower: Mr. Stark I don’t mean to be a bother or anything I just wanted to see if you were free but if you aren’t it’s okay I can come back later. I just got shot a couple times, nothing too important, anyway if you’re busy is there somewhere I could sit and wait?
Tony, literally hyperventilating: PETER GET TO THE MEDBAY IMMEDIATELY I SWEAR TO GOD-
Peter: No, no, no, it’s okay, there’s no hurry, I don’t even feel the pain anymore
Tony: *drags the boy to the elevator*