biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

artisanal shitposts, handcrafted | Gaudy | they/them | autistic aropan | I read asks but not messages | 27 | L.A. | ko-fi.com/Q5Q5HZ1X

I swear I will never understand the popularity of flavored liquids

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

love it when couples are like, each other’s biggest fan

if you’re not excited about your partner fuck you

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sassylilnoodle:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

if u ever hear humming from inside the walls that’s just me cleaning out the air ducts ur WELCOME

Sometimes I’m so glad I follow you

On rare occasions I hope

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

Unrealistic scenario: “these ancient runes roughly translate to: abandon hope all ye who enter”   “huh I wonder what that could mean”

Better scenario: “the runes basically say ‘you enter you die’”  “well now we HAVE to go in”

“This is not a place of honor” sounds DOPE

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lion-heart:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

topazastral:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

cuckoos are born evil

So were we all, who are we to judge?

i didn’t murder my siblings in the womb. idk what ur backstory is but i’m judging 

Wait until you hear about sand tiger sharks, they literally cannibalize each other in the womb.

The eggs hatch and develop in their mother’s oviducts at different times, and once the largest and most developed runs out of yolk it swims around inside its mother eating undeveloped eggs and smaller siblings until only one pup from each oviduct remains.

When the pups are born they are well-nourished, experienced hunters that have a better chance at survival thanks to their cannibalistic fratricide.

As someone who has siblings, this doesnt really bother me.

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Question:

Can you take off your face like one of those peel off face masks??

Answer:

chkntndrzr:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

technically everyone can, but they can only do it once

Hi, I’m new to tumblr and I think I may have a question.












wUt

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

hummingbird moths are neat unless you

  1. have no idea such a creature exists
  2. until you encounter it nightmarishly in the middle of the night

Behold A Fucker

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Question:

I'm bisexual but scared of frogs and lizards what now???

Answer:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

moths

Tumblr stop trying to fuck Mothman

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Bring Back Togas & Chitons It’s Time

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I’ve become so used to my inbox that sometimes I forget it’s an experience most people would find unusual if not downright unsettling

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Question:

I pronounce it like gourd because one could, in theory, hollow out your corpse and light it on fire to ward away demons

Answer:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

image

All right you sniveling mouthbreathers u brought this on yourself

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Question:

I feel bad bc your profile picture is a pumpkin and I always slap pumpkins like a bongo when I see them

Answer:

grapheneinfusedbinary:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

confused-mashmelow:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

fandoms-till-the-end-of-the-line:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

ur patting my belly

Out of all the ways I expected this to go, I’m grateful you chose not to go there

Slap my belly like a bongo drum

Aaaaand it went downhill, as espected

Thump my rump like a lump

I was going to add one but it’s not worth it. Gaud has found the best one

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Question:

you're my favorite

Answer:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

i’m also my favorite

update: I’ve decided to be everyone’s favorite

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Sometimes it’s enough to just wake up and try to be a little better today than we were yesterday

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monorayjak:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

hold up i got a important announcement 

And?

oh shit I forgot

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Question:

Hey Gaud, I'm thinking of quoting you for my thesis about queerness and horror and I wondered if you'd mind and how I should do it (provided you don't mind)

Answer:

Go ahead! I’m pretty sure theres a MLA citation format for tumblr. Fair warning, invoking my presence automatically reduces any classwork by a letter grade.

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Thanks tumblr for coming into my inbox to tell me feral packs of chihuahuas are a thing

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Question:

Your blog is hell, bit like fun hell

Answer:

All the devils are loose and having a good time


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Question:

I am going to bake you into a fruitcake

Answer:

Not the first time this threat has been made, keep scrolling

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Today I learned the word crucifer, which will never not be funny to me

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