captainlordauditor

My name is Miles. he/him. Jewish, ay'lonit, maybe bi maybe gay. I've been described as "impressively devoted to elves" and "an artistic angel". Taking a break from crying over gay wizards to cry over trans newsboys instead

dankmemeuniversity:

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milftual:

milftual:

milftual:

I love bears they’re so fucking big and dumb

I am talking about the animal!!!!!!!

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linuxany:

I couldn’t decide on which one, so you get both :3

Drew @khiroptera dtiys :D

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Question:

Batman Hanukkah prompt: the Most Competitive Game of Dreidel Ever, ft. Batkids

Answer:

captainlordauditor:

The real problem was that nobody in their family knew when to stop.

It had started two days ago, when Tim, needing something to occupy his hands, had pulled out a dreidel and spun it. Damian had asked what it was, and Tim had found a bag of m&ms and explained the rules.

Or at least, the rules at the time.

  1. The money is evenly divided between the players, and then everybody puts half of their money into the pot. 
  2. the nun means you do nothing.
  3. the hei means you take half of the centre pot.
  4. the gimel means you take all of it.
  5. the shin means you put one of your coins in.
  6. The game is over when the pot or one player’s hand is empty.

It’s been 39 hours, and in that time the list of rules has expanded significantly. In addition to the original rules, the list, collaboratively written by all nine of them over the course of at least a dozen games is taped up above the breakfast table by Alfred and now reads:

Wayne Family House Rules For Dreidel

last updated 12/15/19

  1. If you eat your money before the game’s over, you don’t get to complain about losing
  2. all dreidels must be tested by both players for imbalance issues and agreed upon prior to the game
  3. jostling the table in an attempt to influence the fall is prohibited. This includes purposefully jiggling your leg, leaning against the table, shifting one’s weight, or shaking it.
  4. The above may be ignored if a third party outside of the game judges it to be done accidentally.
  5. Ideally, this third party should be Alfred.
  6. leaning over, blowing, or waving one’s arm, hand, or item in the air around the dreidel in an attempt to influence the fall is prohibited.
  7. When playing for length of time a dreidel spins before falling, two (2) stop watches are to be used and the length of time a dreidel spins should be recorded as the average of the two.
  8. when playing for length of time a dreidel spins, the time is to be measured twice, once until the first wobble and once until the dreidel stops moving. 
  9. exploding dreidels are prohibited.
  10. if a player runs out of money in their hand, they may not bet the batarangs they are currently carrying.
  11. or the knives.
  12. or the bullets.
  13. or any gear which may be needed while on patrol or a mission.
  14. or their hairsticks.
  15. everything used as money in a game of dreidel must either be a form of currency recognized by the US government or edible.
  16. Unless playing with US currency, all individual pieces of money in the pot are assigned an equal numerical value
  17. Glucose tablets are not edible. They also count as gear needed for patrol.
  18. The game is to be played on a smooth surface.
  19. The above rules apply to all members of the Wayne household when playing against each other or within a property owned or rented by a member of the household
  20. They also apply to members of the Gordon, Brown, Grayson, and Todd households, just in case anyone wants to get clever

Steph is now several bags of skittles richer, and she’s loving it.

Jason’s digging out metalworking tools to make himself a custom dreidel.

#dc comics#batfam#fic rec#you know that by the end of the month there’s going to be at least ten more rules#one of which is  #dreidel is not a contact sport 

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Question:

Batman Hanukkah prompt: the Most Competitive Game of Dreidel Ever, ft. Batkids

Answer:

The real problem was that nobody in their family knew when to stop.

It had started two days ago, when Tim, needing something to occupy his hands, had pulled out a dreidel and spun it. Damian had asked what it was, and Tim had found a bag of m&ms and explained the rules.

Or at least, the rules at the time.

  1. The money is evenly divided between the players, and then everybody puts half of their money into the pot. 
  2. the nun means you do nothing.
  3. the hei means you take half of the centre pot.
  4. the gimel means you take all of it.
  5. the shin means you put one of your coins in.
  6. The game is over when the pot or one player’s hand is empty.

It’s been 39 hours, and in that time the list of rules has expanded significantly. In addition to the original rules, the list, collaboratively written by all nine of them over the course of at least a dozen games is taped up above the breakfast table by Alfred and now reads:

Wayne Family House Rules For Dreidel

last updated 12/15/19

  1. If you eat your money before the game’s over, you don’t get to complain about losing
  2. all dreidels must be tested by both players for imbalance issues and agreed upon prior to the game
  3. jostling the table in an attempt to influence the fall is prohibited. This includes purposefully jiggling your leg, leaning against the table, shifting one’s weight, or shaking it.
  4. The above may be ignored if a third party outside of the game judges it to be done accidentally.
  5. Ideally, this third party should be Alfred.
  6. leaning over, blowing, or waving one’s arm, hand, or item in the air around the dreidel in an attempt to influence the fall is prohibited.
  7. When playing for length of time a dreidel spins before falling, two (2) stop watches are to be used and the length of time a dreidel spins should be recorded as the average of the two.
  8. when playing for length of time a dreidel spins, the time is to be measured twice, once until the first wobble and once until the dreidel stops moving. 
  9. exploding dreidels are prohibited.
  10. if a player runs out of money in their hand, they may not bet the batarangs they are currently carrying.
  11. or the knives.
  12. or the bullets.
  13. or any gear which may be needed while on patrol or a mission.
  14. or their hairsticks.
  15. everything used as money in a game of dreidel must either be a form of currency recognized by the US government or edible.
  16. Unless playing with US currency, all individual pieces of money in the pot are assigned an equal numerical value
  17. Glucose tablets are not edible. They also count as gear needed for patrol.
  18. The game is to be played on a smooth surface.
  19. The above rules apply to all members of the Wayne household when playing against each other or within a property owned or rented by a member of the household
  20. They also apply to members of the Gordon, Brown, Grayson, and Todd households, just in case anyone wants to get clever

Steph is now several bags of skittles richer, and she’s loving it.

Jason’s digging out metalworking tools to make himself a custom dreidel.

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rainbowfoxes:

klingon-dick-jokes:

You got me

faerology:

nobody chooses to be a dc fan, chances are you read one comic / watched a show / movie and emotionally attached yourself to a character before you could realize what a fucking shitshow dc is.

@captainlordauditor

it’s not my fault they made one good thing and that was cassandra cain’s run as batgirl

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aegipan-omnicorn:

[Image description: white text on a (mostly) black field: Join the YouTube WalkOut December 10th to December 13th 2019; the phrase “YouTube WalkOut” is inside a red square like the YouTube logo. Description Ends]

Reblogging for the additional info on the alternative dates for people in the UK. Good luck Storming the Castle, I mean: With the Election!

Oh, heck! Go ahead and storm the castle, too, if you’re up for it!

andysapanda223:

Hey y’all in case you don’t know there’s going to be a YouTube walkout happening from December 10th-13th in response to the new terms and agreements YouTube put in place. According to the new terms they’re allowed to delete channels if they don’t meet community guild lines, which historically for them has included LGBT related channels and content.

Many creators are not posting during this walkout and is asking for people not to use YouTube unless it’s related to the UK election (if you live the UK and still want to participate in the walkout but need to use YouTube to stay on top of election info I think there’s a UK one from the 13th-16th too!)

Anyway fuck those new terms and I’m gonna be deleting my YouTube app on my phone until the 16th.


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Question:

Jack, aggressively playing Chanukkah music as loud as he can: if i've had to listen to your bad christmas music since fucking october i get a month of MY music as loud as I want it!

Answer:

jack is a maccabeats jew, davey is an ofra haza jew, change my mind

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firefeufuego:

cornedbeefhashtags:

King David: *plays a regular, non-secret chord*

The Lord:

King David: *finally plays the secret chord*

The Lord:

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alipopsie:

erskine-ravel-u-little-bitch:

chloesdragon:

erskine-ravel-u-little-bitch:

cowardly of victor hugo not to release any new les mis content for barricade day this year…

NO.

DONT ENCOURAGE ANOTHER JK ROWLING

fair but also ill encourage anything if we get the amis’ first names

me, whipping out a ouija board: ok vicky what’s courf’s first name?

planchet: J-E-A-N

me, throwing the thing across the room: god fUCKING DAMMIT

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givebuckysomelove:

drunkenssoldier:

ememely:

(wakes up at reasonable hour) (stays in bed for two more hours)

(goes to bed at a reasonable hour)(stays awake for two more hours)

ah, the duality

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captainlordauditor:

captainlordauditor:

ya’ll realize there’s an elseworld where Jason is a priest, right? Ya’ll realize that even if you pick a name for his mother out of a hat, totally randomly, completely ignoring the factors of who was likely to lie and which canon you’re taking, there’s only a 25% chance he’s jewish, right? and that even then it only applies halachically and doesn’t tell us how he was raised, right?

ya’ll realize that cassandra is seven fucking teen when she’s adopted, well past bat mitzvah age, meaning she DEFINITELY would have to either convert or have been raised jewish to be considered jewish, right???????

#the waynes top their christmas tree with an electric menorah and you can’t change my mind
im sorry this idea is too important to leave in the tags susan

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insiggious:

People have this weird belief that if you’re critical of a system or tradition, then it must be because you failed to live up to that system or tradition. The idea of having a principled stance, regardless of whether or not *you* personally benefit from society accepting that stance, is foreign to so many people. And this belief is really fucking important for and beneficial to the elites of this country. If you can get the masses to equate criticizing you and the institutions you control with abject personal failure, congratulations, you’ve just made yourself immune to accountability

memes–memes:

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southern-continent-skies:

zahri-melitor:

mihrsuri:

griffinsanddragons:

I don’t want to write this extremely specific fanfic of which I am the primary audience, I just want to read it.

A MOOD

*stares down her half-written fic*

This is why I have approximately 87 WIPs. 

1) I have too many plotbunnies, but also

2) I write the parts I really want to exist, and then… not the rest of them. What do you mean ten lines of dialogue and two paragraphs of emotional description isn’t a fic by itself??

Your description of what gets written is making me feel called out and I don’t like it.

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awellboiledicicle:

sometimes @captainlordauditor makes posts about drama going on in another fandom and i have no idea what the drama/disc horse is so i just. 

“Are people being against characters being converts to judaism? Are people being homo/transphobic? Are people up his ass about a kinky fanfic again? Is there not drama and he’s just hyping himself up about a conversation he wanted to type things out about? Are people being shit about headcanon? Who knows”

its great, like a game of Clue with way more wild stakes

oh no this time it’s not someone being against a character being a convert to Judaism -  this time it’s someone insisting that, quote, “the majority” (by which they mean like 2) of these characters are “canonically” jewish

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royal-random-the-yogurt-queen:

chiamoi:

syolen:

poetry-protest-pornography:

elodieunderglass:

ambris:

ultrafacts:

Source: [x]

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts!

This is pretty meta

The peer reviewer’s comments are the best

I ghost-didn’t-write this

and you say scientists don’t know how to have fun…

Professional BSery at it’s finest

Translation: You’re longwinded, my homie, please keep producing nothing.

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ceekari:

andy-the-anon:

divide-by-triple-zero:

glowpathy:

no offense but why can’t more people be gentle to one another

full offense. let’s be kinder

“The world is cruel” well mAYBE if we all started being NICER the world wouldn’t be so CRUEL.

One way to start this is by giving strangers the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they let a door slam in your face, or they’re blocking a whole aisle, or they parked like a jackass, or snapped at a waiter, or cut you off in traffic, whatever it is. Remind yourself that they honestly probably didn’t mean it. 9 times out of 10, jackassery is easily explained by people not paying attention, or having a shitty day.

And yeah, people should pay attention, and they shouldn’t take out their bad day on other people, but we’re practicing being gentle and understanding. Everyone is fighting battles you know nothing about, everyone has times they aren’t their best. Practice remembering that, even when your kneejerk reaction is “what a douche!”

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uncarnetmaisvirtuel:

I mean RIP to Eurydice foremost

uncarnetmaisvirtuel:

RIP to Orpheus but I’m different

uncarnetmaisvirtuel:

If I had the opportunity to get my wife that I love out of Hades I would simply not turn around to check if she’s there

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