Hey, INTJs, help an INFP out?
What sorts of problems do INTJs have? Specifically, INTJ women. What sort of interpersonal trouble do they get into that other types might not? What fears and self-doubts do they have? What things are harder and easier for them? Common strengths and weaknesses? In what ways don’t you fit the INTJ mold?
I’m an INFP, so what similarities can I tap into or what differences in thinking might surprise me?
I’ve done a lot of research on this topic already, but it’s still not the same as getting someone’s firsthand experiences, because everyone’s experiences are going to be different and more specific than the generalizations that I find online. (This INTJ is not the villain, btw. She’s the main character! Whoa!)
Other things I need help with:
-Got any ideas on how to destabilize a monarchy?
-Writing hard magic is hard.
-Writing about fantasy races?
-Common post-colonial problems?
Thank you thank you thank you for any and all help you’re able to send me.
Man you’re gonna get so many edgeladies answer that they struggle because they are too competent and intelligent, and they can’t connect to people.
As an INFP, you are used to be subtle. INTJs struggle with that, and are annoyed when they pick up that someone is trying to get something from them and not being forthright about it. This can get to a point of “I’ll make them continue their game and make it hard for them to ask-without-asking.” For example, I had a friend who wanted me to drive her places all the time, but she would text me “Aww, I missed the bus and I am late” and wait for me to offer a ride. I started to make her wait for my answer, so she’d be even more late, and then tell her something like “So sad for you!”. Yes, we are petty.
Both my INFJ female friend and I share that we don’t like people randomly telling us we’re smart. We both know our strengths and limits, and it feels… wrong(?) when someone kinda tries to be in our head. We’re not there to be praised; although it’s nice when people notice when we get things done.
INTJs don’t like to be inactive (I get so annoyed when I realize I lost time), but we need time to process things. As a protagonist, your character will face a lot, and will be stupid if not prepared. Stu-pid. We like to thing of everything and have plan A-B-C-D… but we can’t humanly think of everything. (I once read a book with an INTJ main character and the story was obviously written so he would have thought of every outcome all the time, and it didn’t feel natural.) We make mistakes, especially if we face surprising events.
Another weakness is our pride. Depending on the person, you won’t actually see it, because we like to repress so soooo much, but failing is hard, and failing twice can be enough to destabilize your character. “Maybe that means I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ll never be good at this.” Ni-Fi loop is a bitch.
There’s a lot of posts about INTJs dressing in black clothes only, and being kinda business chic, but people are people. I often wear yellow and red, and I like fun accessories. My INTJ friend has a totally transparent raincoat, and a blue sequin jacket, for example, but dresses in black and navy blue most of the time.
I’ll stop here about INTJs because I could hyperfocus on this and drown you in answers in all directions, but if you have a particular question, you can message me, or send an ask.
And about destabilizing a monarchy, how about you become the new monarchy? And then make changes. (You or someone who’s charismatic and could charm their way to the throne.)
And as a writer: maybe while writing you’ll realize your character won’t be as you planned them to be, and maybe she will change type. It’s nice than INTJs inspired you, but don’t let it stop you from developing your character in the most natural way. (I tried to create an ENFJ and he was INFP in the end, then an INTP and he became an ENTJ when I wrote him.)
Wish you the best about this book!
Ohhh yes. I’m a female ENTP but have a very close INTJ female friend, and I’m super glad that the person who responded was A. a writer B. not one of those edgy “INTJ” girls who just wanna be different and cool and special (when they’re just making a fool of themselves).
I’m kind of done with every villain or cold jerk character being immediately typed as INTJ for that sole reason, so INTJ protagonists are definitely interesting to me, and I can’t wait to see where that goes!
Personally, some struggles or general traits I’ve noticed in my INTJ friend:
1. She is concerned with her reputation and kind of secretive in group settings. When we were in high school, she sat out of a Never Have I Ever game in the flute section to avoid embarrassment, but she didn’t realize that by being the only one sitting out she ended up being more suspicious when she could have just lied her way out. She has a good poker face after all. She really just doesn’t want to be associated with anything stupid so she ends up blocking people out and, in turn, ends up distancing herself from people and kind of ruining a chance of any reputation. Plays into the pride thing.
2. She is awful at asking for help. Another pride issue. She’s very good in science and arithmetic-based calculation. She’s great with technology and she’s also good at English. However, she has two areas of weakness: history and complex math. She was in the advanced biotechnology program, but let’s just say she was 2 years above me and we took the same precalc class because she had failed geometry once when she was in 9th grade. She would look like she knew what she was doing, but she really had no clue, and she was dead-silent. I noticed that she sped out of the room quickly after class, probably to avoid our teacher. It was because she didn’t want to admit she needed help, because she was older than everyone else to begin with AND she was in an advanced biotech program.
3. She’s the kind of person you can sit in silence with and not feel awkward around. I would eat lunch with her, but really we were sitting next to each other on the hallway floor doing our own thing, and it was actually nice. She didn’t mind, and I didn’t feel obligated to strike up conversation (though we did talk every once in a while). She actually said she enjoyed the feeling of being alone but not bothered. I agreed. We could both do our own thing but we felt less exposed and comforted just by being there physically. I’ve noticed that INTJs really tend to prefer that kind of silent togetherness and it gives them a sense of protection, trust, comfort, and it allows them to relax. They’ll never say it aloud but the body language screams, haha.
4. She has a few really good friends who she would do anything for and vice-versa. She has been dead-set on a career in biotech since middle school, but she decided that having the support of her friends was integral to achieving her goals in college, so she ended up going to the uni that they all went to. It’s a state school and it’s really good while still fairly inexpensive (also IN STATE TUITION), and they have a good marching band, which was important to her. Band was how she made those friends, so despite not being a serious musician, she found enjoyment in it. So, she was actually flexible in achieving her goals. INTJs don’t actually drop people like garbage to achieve what they want like they’re stereotypically shown to do, because um…they’re people. Everybody cares about someone. Sticking with the people who have helped her thus far is part of her dream. In the event of separation being a better option, she would just find a way to stay in touch and support her friends from a distance. It may be a hard decision and she would find it hard to discuss for sure, but her intentions are good. Because she’s…not a villain.
5. She really dislikes drama but always finds herself stressing over it. She thinks it’s the dumbest thing ever, but she knows that it isn’t all that petty to some people and she wants to be a supportive friend. She’s told me it’s hard to give advice to people like that because she feels like she’s walking on eggshells. She doesn’t want to lie, but she doesn’t want to make a bad situation worse by telling her friend off only to get roped into the mess. It’s an awkward position to be in (and from personal experience, can confirm).
6. She’s actually pretty friendly! She’s very quiet and isolative, but once she finds common ground, she doesn’t have a problem approaching people who don’t seem like threats. That’s actually how we met. I was talking to someone who was also from the flute section about a certain TV series and she was standing near us and said something like “oh! don’t mean to listen in but i love that show” and later we had a light debate about the pacing of the show and it was really cool. She’s the kind of person who actually considers your argument but will defend hers if she still sees that hers has more merit.