“I may be a lot of things. But I am a 4 first”


i need to get laid¹


¹gently, in the cold, dark earth

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… I enroll in a night class

where I learn the universe is an arrow
without end and it asks only one question:

How dare you? I recite it in bed, How dare
you? How dare you?
But still I can’t find sleep.

Paige Lewis, from “Because the Color Is Half the Taste,” Space Struck

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“But all endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.”

— The Five People You Meet in Heaven (Mitch Albom)

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“I feel too much. That’s what’s going on. Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel the wrong ways? My insides don’t match up with my outsides. Do anyone’s inside and outsides match up? I don’t know. I’m only me. Maybe that’s what a person’s personality is: the difference between the inside and the outside. But it’s worse for me. I wonder if everyone thinks it’s worse for him. Probably. But it really is worse for me.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

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“How can I teach her some way of being human that won’t destroy her?”

margaret atwood, ‘solstice poem’
(via wishbzne)

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“I used to sit there pulling arrows out of my heart.”

— Louise Glück, Fugue

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when kosinski wrote “i’m sure there are aspects of my personality buried within me that will surface as soon as i know i am completely loved.”


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virginia woolf

kevin lucbert

the mountain goats

kevin lucbert

anne carson

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me: I will do things when I am less tired

me: *never becomes less tired*

me: oh no

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Stop being mean to me I’ve got eyes and I’m not afraid to cry

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Sometimes I feel like I’m only meant for myself

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Hi there here are some tips for making Thanksgiving more bearable for folks with eating disorders and body dysmorphia. These are healthy practices for everyone living in this weirdo diet culture of ours, but especially critical for your people suffering from… not to be dramatic, but… the deadliest mental illness. Please consider:

- not making moral judgments about the food (this food is “good”, that food is “evil”); food has no moral value in itself

- not commenting in any way on what others are eating, or critiquing what you yourself are eating

- not commenting on *anyone’s* body or weight, yours included, ever, at all, even with what you think is a compliment

- finding something positive/complimentary to say that is not appearance based (e.g. “It’s really good to see you!” or “I’m so proud of you for [their recent accomplishment]”)

- being joyful about the food, celebrating its deliciousness and embracing your Thanksgiving-level fullness with humor and gratitude

- protecting vulnerable people during mealtime if the conversation gets heated, as it likely will this year: turn to the struggling person and make a joke, or gentle small talk, or bring their attention back to the food in a grounding way (talk positively about the colors, tastes, textures, etc.)

This stuff is easier said than done! No need to do it perfectly, but if you make it a practice, you will bless a lot of people. The practice itself is an act of love.

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“One day, you will know how important I am to you, when the time comes I am half-dead as the moon, torn apart, in truth. There will shine a light in your heart, that you should have never held back, because somehow it is too late to appreciate my presence, and all that will be left is longing, intermittent calling of a voice which sounds familiar in the distance.”

— Chuck Akot, from Memoirs, Calling of a voice

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photo: mine

words: lang leav

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“I had a dream about you. We were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want. You said Tell me about your books, your visions made of flesh and light and I said This is the Moon. This is the Sun. Let me name the stars for you. Let me take you there. The splash of my tongue melting you like a sugar cube…We were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want, so I said What do you want, sweetheart? and you said Kiss me. Here I am leaving you clues. I am singing now while Rome burns. We are all just trying to be holy. My applejack, my silent night, just mash your lips against me. We are all going forward. None of us are going back.””

— Richard Siken


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Do I have to be pretty? Is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the best opinions

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