somethingusefulfromflorida

Thoughts by Kermit
(yes, that's my real name)
From the Sunny Florida Keys

Next year Disney is going to announce their First Openly Gay Character™ who is literally just a random extra standing by themselves in the background, then they’re gonna pat themselves on the back and say “this is what gay people look like, they look the same as everyone else, we’ve normalized their representation by having a gay character who isn’t defined by their sexuality.

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It bothers me that Leia is never refereed to as a Queen onscreen.

She maintains her title of Princess despite being the last living matriarch of the Organa Royal Family.  By all rights, she should be Queen Leia, and given that she had taken a backseat from politics during the post-war era, she should have helped lead the Alderaani diaspora to a new home planet.  If she’s not going to be chancellor or even a senator, if she’s just going to lead the rebellion revolution resistance outside the legal channels of the New Republic, she should definitely still be the ruler of her people.  She never abdicated the throne, and in such a time of crisis the Alderaani people who were off planet during the disaster would flock to her for leadership.

Alderaan was a pacifist planet, “they have no weapons,” and this perceived neutrality was the perfect cover for Bail Organa to lead the Alliance without rousing suspicion from the Imperial government.  The Alderaani people would almost certainly be politically neutral before the disaster, but would be forced to take sides after the genocide; there would be those among the population who do not want to get involved, and we never once see Leia so much as mention the destruction of Alderaan in canon after it happens (the movies are canon, everything else is supplemental material which can and will be contradicted later in the films.  If it doesn’t happen on screen, it doesn’t happen.  It’s not my job to pay an extra 20 bucks to read a book or invest weeks of my time to watch some streaming show to get the full story because a corporate conglomerate wants to hand it out piecemeal)

Queen Leia Organa, Last of the House of Alderaan, Savior of Her People

Now there’s a story worth reading about.

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You never hear anybody use the word “tens” to describe a quantity of objects.  People will use higher orders of magnitude, but not tens; “there are billions of people in the world,” “there are millions of people in the city,” “this jar is full of thousands of pennies,” “I have hundreds of books,” but nobody ever says “I weight tens of pounds” or “there are tens of cars in the parking lot.”  More often than not, I find myself using the word “dozens” in these sorts of situations.  12 is close enough to 10 for it to work

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The day Google buys Wikipedia, we’re screwed
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vhsdreamz:

empty

This speaks to me on a spiritual level

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lonestarspidey:

The funny thing about many alternate history takes about the civil war is how they tend to leave out many of the global political phenomena of the late 19th and early 20th Century as they look forward into the future of what a victorious Confederate nation may have been.

Had it won the war, and maintained its nationhood, the CSA would have been a losely organized, and largely rural and agricultural plutocracy. A society ruled by wealthy, land owning aristocrats with a vast underclass of enslaved blacks and impoverished working whites beneath them. There is no such thing as a middle class in The South. There’s just not any groundwork for such a thing to exist. It would have been a society organized along the lines of the very rich, the very poor, and slaves. With very little industrial base to rely upon for any kind of upward mobility, except for in a small handful of large cities. Not too terribly different from a country like, for instance, Imperial Russia. And we all know what happened to Imperial Russia.

And think of the international backlash that would have occurred had the Confederacy become independent.  First of all, the Confederacy could never have “won,” that is they never could have defeated the Union because they lacked the infrastructure and manpower.  The only way they could maintain independence was if the Union sued for peace, say after a long war of attrition after which both sides simply grew tired of fighting (like World War 1).  Depending on how late in the war this truce would have been made, the Confederacy may or may not have had support from France and the UK.  Early in the war, they would have, but as time marched on and the matter of slavery became forefront, other nations became hesitant to support the Confederacy. 

Slavery was unsustainable; Brazil was the last western power to get rid of slavery in 1888, but the Confederates had enshrined it in their constitution, so they couldn’t get rid of it without a constitutional amendment. Such an amendment would probably abolish the practice in name only (”indentured servants” who work for pennies a week technically aren’t “slaves”), and they certainly would never pass an equivalent to the US’s 14th Amendment, meaning even if slavery were abolished, the black population would not be granted citizenship or the right to vote.  Jim Crow laws would be much worse in an independent Confederacy, leading to mass runaways; the underground railroad would lead escaped slaves north or west to the Union, or south to Mexico.

The Confederate States would have little chance of allying itself with France and the UK, so they would probably see the newly united Germany as a kindred spirit; the Austro-Prussian and Franco-Prussian wars had ensured a united Germany independent from Austrian Hapsburg rule, and the rest of Europe united against this fledgling nation to prevent it from becoming an economic rival.  The Confederacy would see themselves in this so-called oppressed Germany, so whenever this timeline’s equivalent of the Great War started, the CSA would almost certainly be sympathetic to the Central Powers.  The Great War began because the Austro-Hungarian Empire was falling apart due to tension in the Balkans (the Slavs wanted independence and unification themselves).  If the Great War occurred as it did in our timeline (more or less), the equivalent of the Zimmerman Telegram would be sent to the CSA instead of Mexico.

It’s hard to say what the CSA would look like well into the 20th century; as you get further and further from the point of divergence, the less you can rely on historical evidence and educated guesses.  After the first fifty years or so, the world will have changed so radically that everything after that point would become impossible to predict.  Many authors choose to turn this period into wish fulfillment; “this is what I want to have happened.”

It’s impossible to say if the CSA would have sided with or against Hitler, because there’s no saying Hitler would ever come to power in the first place; he was born after the point of divergence, and the exact circumstances that led to his reign may not have occurred.  What if Austria had won the Austro-Prussian war?  Or if the Great War had never happened?  Or of the Central Powers had won the Great War? Or if he had died during it, or if he had never been tasked with spying on the German Worker’s Party by the Weimar government, or if he had gotten a less sympathetic judge after the Beer Hall Pustch, or if the Nazis hadn’t won a majority in the Reichstag, any number of or’s? A lot happened between 1865 and 1933.

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Parking Lot Chicken

A friend!

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lizzy-b:

somethingusefulfromflorida:

It feels wrong to kill endermen in Minecraft.  They’re not like other hostile mobs, they feel like they should be NPCs like villagers instead.  They’re sentient, they have a civilization, they build things, 9 times out of 10 they’re just minding their own business not hurting anybody

There should be a different way to get ender eyes.

/give <playername> ender_eye <amount>

:3

Cheats?

In my survival server? 

More likely than you’d think!

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Found a couple mutants today
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Maybe don’t answer this one

They’re not even trying anymore.

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These guys from ‘Men in Black

were also these guys from ‘Galaxy Quest

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Anastasia is a weird movie

lonestarspidey:

somethingusefulfromflorida:

I mean, any fantasy movie based on real historical figures is bound to be weird; Pocahontas was hardly a family friendly story about “both sides” misunderstanding, but I digress.  Anastasia was specifically weird because it was so recent; the Tsar and his family were killed in 1918, and the movie came out in 1997, just 79 years later.  That’s a single lifetime; there were still Romanovs and Rasputins alive at that point.  There are still Romanovs and Rasputins alive TODAY.

Look forward to the Disney-knockoff Anne Frank movie in 2024.  It’ll come out just in time to capitalize on the success of Frozen 3; it’ll be set in 1953, and there will be no Nazis.

My favorite part of Anastasia is that based on how old she is, and the time period stated specifically in the film, the movie takes place smack dab in the middle of Stalin’s Great Purge. So while Anastasia and Dimitiri or whatever his name his are running around Leningrad (which they still refer to as St Petersburg for whatever reason) worried about Rasputin and some dumb curse, millions of people are being tortured and murdered on a daily basis.

It’s like if you made a Disney Princess movie set during the Holocaust that somehow manages to completely ignore the Holocaust.

Illumination presents “Anne Frank: Escape From the Secret Annex”

Featuring Ariana Grande as the voice of Anne, with three original songs about how she wants to move out of her family’s cramped house and see more of the world!

And don’t forget the Minions; they won’t be the actual Despicable Me Minions, just the same type of obnoxious comic relief “characters.”  Anne’s pet cat and all its cat friends will be sure to cause a ton of hijinks and shenanigans (more importantly, their plushies will make millions of dollars at WalMart).  There will be at least four (4) references to the 2019 movie “Cats,” because it was topical at time of writing.

Also starring Billie Eilish, Finn Wolfhard, Taika Waititi, and Tom Holland.

Coming Christmas (and Hanukkah) 2024!

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Anastasia is a weird movie

I mean, any fantasy movie based on real historical figures is bound to be weird; Pocahontas was hardly a family friendly story about “both sides” misunderstanding, but I digress.  Anastasia was specifically weird because it was so recent; the Tsar and his family were killed in 1918, and the movie came out in 1997, just 79 years later.  That’s a single lifetime; there were still Romanovs and Rasputins alive at that point.  There are still Romanovs and Rasputins alive TODAY.

Look forward to the Disney-knockoff Anne Frank movie in 2024.  It’ll come out just in time to capitalize on the success of Frozen 3; it’ll be set in 1953, and there will be no Nazis.

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The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Earnest
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What the hell even were the 2010s?

Like, what is the 2010s aesthetic?  What is 2010s culture?

There are very few original properties being made anymore, and what few do never really skyrocket into the cultural zeitgeist.  What is this generation’s Star Wars, if not Star Wars?  Superhero movies, maybe?  But those they’ve been making those for decades.  The 2010s were defined by nostalgia, by looking back at the 80s and 90s.  There are no big new franchises being made anymore, only adaptations and continuations of existing ones.  They’re also defined by commercialization; ten, fifteen years ago, nobody referred to movies as “franchises,” they were “series.”   I love the Star wars series, I love the Indiana Jones series, I love the Batman series; nowadays, everything is part of a multimedia franchise, an expanded cinematic universe.  Everything’s a brand, everything’s related, everything has to be tied into everything else.  The first Avengers movie was a gimmick, an ambitious crossover between four movies with six superheroes; people didn’t think it could be done, they assumed it would be a bloated mess, but it wasn’t half bad, so it paved the way for every single studio to turn their properties into bloated messes.

There will never be a wave of 2010s nostalgia; in the 2040s, people will just be nostalgic for the 1980s because that’s what the 2010s tried to emulate.  Culture has stagnated, the only overarching theme is corporatism and the technology fueled wealth gap.  Companies have cults of personality around themselves now, they’re treated like people, like thinking feeling entities with desires and plans.  People think companies are their friends, that they deserve undying loyalty; people define themselves based on what they own and who sold it to them.  It’s fanatical, and I feel like an old man yelling at clouds when I point this out; I’m not trying to be galaxy-brained “you participate in society, I’m very intelligent,” I’m not saying I’m better than anyone and have it all figured out (I’m not, and I don’t), I just see hat there’s a problem but have no resources to fix it.

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Do they even make comfortable dress shoes?
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I am being inundated with all sort of terrible ads, but occasionally I will stumble across one that’s so generic, so non-offensive, so neutral, that I am tempted to click on it just to trick the websites into showing me more of that type.

Anything to make the shittier ones go away.

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Call me cliche, but I really like the trope where a post-apocalyptic movie begins with news reports from before/during the apocalypse.

Reign of Fire (2002)

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I Am Legend (2007)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)

A Quiet Place (2018)

Maybe it’s not the best writing decision, maybe it’s “tell, don’t show,” but you know what?  It gets the point across, and I happen to like it.  I’m okay with the fact that I am objectively wrong here, I am a fallible person.  Sue me.

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I think what I hate most about the present is that I cannot just drop everything at a moment’s notice and start a new life at sea as a deckhand.

We keep too good records nowadays, I have too big a paper trail, the taxman would hunt me down and tear me a new asshole.

Like, 200 years ago I could have just dropped off the Earth, and nobody outside my immediate family would be any the wiser, but NOW it’s a whole ordeal.  There’s no such thing as a fresh start, you’re stuck being you forever.

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All this time, I thought the chorus of “Loser” by Beck went “sore from head to toe,” not “soy un perdedor.”
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