It's like a blog, only the UI is horrible. Since people keep asking: Any of he/she/they are fine.

Okay, conceded: Zak S is, in fact, an abusive asshole.

I didn’t think anything would be enough to justify logging in to tumblr again. I guess I was wrong.

So, just a followup, since people probably wonder:

Yeah, I saw the Zak thing, in which Mandy Morbid, his erstwhile girlfriend, accuses him of long-term abuse. Yes, I believe it. Ironically, I was told repeatedly during the drama that Mandy was a bad person and I shouldn’t believe her accusations, but you know what? Fuck those people. The accusations are credible.

During the whole thing, and thereafter, I talked to Zak a fair bit in email. My conclusion was that he was an arrogant asshole, who was pretty much straight up abusive towards people in publically observable ways, but I didn’t have any immediate reason to believe that it went much beyond the obvious public abuse. Obviously, I was wrong on that. In the years since then, I’ve gotten to be a lot more suspicious of people who say “oh, yes, I’m being cruel, but I have to be cruel, it’s the only way I can oppose this evil.” Because you know what? Every fucking time, it turns out that actually they just like being cruel.

I was called out on this by a person I used to think of as sort of a friend, whose rant included the phrase “sanctimonious, autistic, SHITSTAIN.” Which I think sort of summarizes how I got tricked – I fell into the same goddamn trap I always warn people about, assuming that if you can identify a clear abuser in a fight, you’re probably done. Some of the people attacking Zak were pretty clearly abusive. Some of them told falsehoods about things where I could claim real knowledge as to whether or not they were true. So I assumed that, probably, they were lying abusers, and he was their target. And sometimes that’s probably true. (Spoiler: Abusive narcissists do not usually bond over their shared experience.) But also, as other people have noticed, he actually does some really, really, fucking awful things. Which is not especially surprising.

If you missed it:

A link to Mandy Morbid’s post on Facebook (Let’s just go with “all the trigger warnings”.)

Another reaction to it from another person who used to defend Zak

Do I have regrets? Hell yeah. Do I think that this means that every allegation is true, even the ones which are chronologically impossible or contradict other allegations? No. Will I continue to be really distrustful when I see badly-written or badly-sourced claims, and the people pushing them refuse to engage with criticism or questions? Yes. Do you have to like this trait about me? No.

Thing that concerns me: Even if we grant that the death threats and rape threats were actually all overflow rage from Zak’s awful behavior online… It seems to me like more people should think it’s still a problem that Mandy got death threats and rape threats. They people sending those were also abusers. Maybe not so prolific, but they’re also still out there, and probably still doing it. Abusers switch targets a lot more often than they stop being abusers. And you could say “blah blah both sides”, or you could say “well, yeah, that is abuse” and fight abuse even when it targeted someone you didn’t like at the time when it happened. Up to you, really.

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Logged back in to post a thing, got two flagged posts to review. One was a line art drawing of a guy with nipple rings, one was a picture of a baby from a story about a womb transplant.

A+ work there.

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so long and thanks for all the fish

It was fun. I’ve backed up everything but the last couple of days of my posts, and will eventually probably have them up elsewhere in some vaguely searchable form. Am not deleting, but am done updating. You can probably find me elsewhere if you need to, and I’m stunningly easy to get in touch with if you have need to.

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Captain America: The Winter Soldier - Learning the Dance clip

#always reblog

the thing where he tosses his knife from his right hand… to his right hand again… is something i never saw before because it was too fast.

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Anybody know of a good tool for backing up (thousands of) likes and drafts?

Haven’t seen any. I don’t know whether tumblr makes this possible or easy.

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Parenting Advice





Before you do a thing to your child whom you love dearly, please consider this question:

Would it be a literal war crime if you did it to someone you had captured while they were literally trying to kill you?

If it would, please consider alternatives. Honoring the Geneva Conventions will not make you a great parent, but if you find that respecting them cramps your style, something is probably very wrong.

wow if someone could go back in time and tell this to my parents it would help a lot thanks

yeah i wrote it after realizing that i knew over a dozen people whose issues would have been measurably improved by this advice.

Parents, cops, politicians, teachers, healthcare providers.. a lot of people should really just have this in mind. 

i had forgotten this post

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buzzwords are hella noxious, but people who sneer at the conversation that includes those terms because they don’t connect to any of the pain and human emotion behind them are wayyyy worse.

I have absolutely seen occasional people trying to coopt this stuff and weaponize it to gain control, but it’s a lot more common, in my experience, for people to be pretty cool about it and only requesting accommodations for stuff that’s really actually that bad.

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hey i have a favor to ask from astronomers, can y'all put little krakens on the edges of maps of the observable universe to denote that we don't know what's past that

this was actually going to be a thing, but it caused confusion because it was hard to tell which places were the edges of the observable universe, and which were the galaxies full of little krakens.

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for my own reference, and for anyone who is interested, here is the first part of the conversation with the fascist happening now:

me: jep. my stance is firm, still the same idea that you can do better and you deserve better than what fascism offers you. what i’ve heard from you, i understand a lot of your principles and i even agree about some problems in society as well as in individuals. but i really think you’re handling them in the wrong way, you’re goin about it all wrong, man. it’s a consistent topic for me like this because you are still an important person to me, and i remember how lovely you were to me then, and bottom line, i know you can always be exactly that sweet, open person to all people. but up to now i have seen other sides of you which prevent that, so that’s why i want to talk to you about these things and see if it helps any. 

fascist: yeah, would you become a fascist more easily than i would become a commie

i’m nice to everyone

no matter what colour they are and no matter what they think

give respect, get respect

but big picture i also know that it doesn’t help anyone to for example fill this place up with everyone from africa

the only ones who benefit are market liberal globalists

who can also be a wasp-dickhead, not just a follower of moses :p

(end text message translation)

i have several questions here. one is how he thinks a so-called market liberal globalist benefits from immigration. that’s hard to ask because his idea of immigration is so warped - he thinks it’s all brown people mass immigration, and doesn’t understand the complicated individual reasons to move country. still that’s also an interesting framing for the question, why on earth does he think that benefits them? i think that by asking that, i will get a better idea of what he thinks market liberal globalism is. 

i think that’s the important thing, because i still plan to say directly that i harbour no delusions of making him an anarchist, and that this is not about making him think like me or converting or something like that. the ONLY thing that this is about is quashing the racism and fascism, because he is so close to class consciousness here that i don’t really care what goes in the holes. he’s completely disillusioned by capitalism, but he refuses to accept that fascism NEEDS capitalism, and capitalism’s only possible endgame is fascism. so i don’t really care what he does afterwards, my business is controlled burning so that he can regrow his own self, independently, healthily. he can’t just jump from one thing to another like that, that would be a fucking mess.

i am going to reblog this in a minute tagging people who said they were interested. please feel free to chime in for now too.

Wow, that’s really confused.

Immigration is incredibly beneficial to the countries immigrants come to – they’re highly motivated, they’re above average likely to be younger, and they tend to be very loyal to their new homes and super glad to have homes.

That said, I don’t think I’d buy that “capitalism’s only possible endgame is fascism”, and would recommend against including that line of thought, it seems likely to have the opposite of the desired effect. (I’m also not at all convinced that fascism actually needs capitalism; I think you could pretty easily get a completely state-driven fascist society.)

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Heads up recall…

boosting keep your bits safe people

the one brand of tampons I use…. are you fucking kidding me?

PUBLISHED: DEC 12TH, 2018 - 10:34AM (EST)UPDATED: DEC 12TH, 2018 - 4:00PM (EST)

INDIANAPOLIS (WTHR) — The company that owns Kotex is recalling its U by Kotex Sleek Tampons due to a quality-related defect.

According to the company, the tampons are unraveling or coming apart upon removal. In some cases, users have had to seek medical attention to remove tampon pieces left in the body.

We announced today a voluntary recall of U by Kotex® Sleek® Tampons, Regular Absorbency sold in the U.S. & Canada for a quality-related defect that could impact the product performance. For info, please read our FAQs: or contact us:

The recall affects tampons manufactured between October 7, 2016 and October 16, 2018. They were distributed from October 17, 2016 to October 23, 2018, according to

Symptoms of the defect include pain, swelling, infections, nausea or vomiting. There have been a small number of reports of infections and injury, according to the company.

Anyone with the affected products are urged to stop using the product immediately and contact Kimberly-Clark’s Consumer Service team at 1-888-255-3499.

To see the full list of recalled products, click here.

okay, probably worth linking product recalls

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I need Ameritumblr to understand that we’re all freaking out about some Cabinet resignations because the British system has a thing with no confidence votes having a direct and immediate effect and, well, in summary, we may literally not have a government this time tomorrow. no prime minister, no line of succession, nothing.

it wouldn’t be healthy to care about it as much as we do but a little freaking out in solidarity would be comforting. we do the same for you.

so in fact what I’ve learned from this is that in America, “the government” means “the whole civil service”, and in Britain, “the Government” means “the Government”.

Good news! The Government has been found in contempt of Parliament! That should clear up any remaining confusion!



The Government has reached its Post Limit of drama for the day

It sounds like “government” gets used about the same as “[current] administration” does in the U.S.?

In any case best of luck.

yes, “government” is the specific coalition currently agreed to be in charge. this sounds really weird if you’re used to “government” to refer to “the institution as a whole”.

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Gosh, I miss Leverage.

That’s a Terry Pratchett quote, so it’s totally possible that Parker was quoting Pratchett.

Source is incorrect-leverage, so I think it’s just a Pratchett quote that sounds plausible for Parker.

that would explain why i didn’t remember it from the show

but it does seem plausible

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Gosh, I miss Leverage.

That’s a Terry Pratchett quote, so it’s totally possible that Parker was quoting Pratchett.

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“The irony is that people are totally capable of seeing how the system fails to provide sufficient procedural fairness when it comes to certain crimes, most notably murder when someone is subsequently exonerated on DNA evidence after they’ve been identified with “100 percent certainty.” People also see it with false confessions, as with the Central Park Five. And yet, they can’t see it at all when it comes to other crimes with more robust rationalizations for significant failures of proof.”

Scott Greenfield: America’s Criminal-Justice System Is Broken - The Atlantic

This is a fascinating article. I do not agree with some of the guy’s specific examples or opinions, but he’s right on the nature of the principle.

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there’s not really much discussion of child neglect on here so i guess i have to do it

p l e a s e don’t shame neglect survivors for not knowing “basic” things like how to eat a balanced diet, when to go to the doctor, how to drive, etc. you know these things (usually) because a caring adult taught them to you. we didn’t have that. we often enter adulthood knowing jack shit about how to take care of ourselves. we know we’re missing information, and we feel so fucking lost.

it’s okay to, if you have a friend who’s experienced neglect, try and help them learn how to take care of themselves. saying things like “hey, do you think you could try to eat at least one vegetable per day?” or “that infection looks pretty bad, do you want to go to a doctor?” is genuinely helpful. but belittling us for not already knowing these things is completely unproductive and unnecessarily cruel.

don’t be a dick to survivors.

Yeah, seriously, just explain the thing. “Here is how to heat this until it is edible” is not a super hard thing to explain, but it’s a super hard thing to guess, especially if you’re terrified of Wasting Food or have other food insecurity issues.

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speaking of censoring, one of my friends reports being unable to make a post with a particular content tag.

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Amusingly, someone in the chain bitching about (or defending) pillowfort has now blocked me, so I can’t respond to questions or comments in that chain.

The way tumblr handles blocks is also pretty abuser-friendly.

A good balance, MHO: You can prevent people from causing you to receive messages, but you can’t prevent people from having conversations with other people.

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3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks
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My Problem



The advice I need: how to strengthen my willpower, make better use of my time, transform myself into a person I want to be and stop being such a useless bitch, or at least take small incremental steps toward achieving that.

The advice I get: you’re not a useless bitch, sweetie, what you’re experiencing is called “useless bitchitude”, and it’s a symptom of Useless Bitch Disease. None of this is your fault, you shouldn’t judge yourself just because you consistently sabotage your life and often sabotage the lives of those around you. No, you should love yourself and be proud! Wanting to pursue the trappings of normality like “a job” or “a home” or “a relationship where you’re not a burden” is a sign of internalized ableism. Love yourself and lower your expectations! Once you accept that failing at the simplest tasks and then crying an hour is an integral and unchangeable part of your personality, you will see how lovely and special it makes you! You were born this way, you see: some people are just born to live their lives out in squalor and misery!

So first off: if you have adhd, there are meds for that. I live in a house with three adhd peeps and when they take their pills, they are pretty functional. When they don’t, I usually can’t get them to focus on anything. So getting diagnosed and medicated is a big major step. I have depression and anxiety. Being medicated takes me from “barely being able to feed myself” to “organizing and cleaning a house, pay my bills, learning to code and design my own videogame, exercising daily, and thinking of getting another part time job(I work 20 hours a week currently)”. So, I highly recommend getting medicated, though finding the right meds is a trial of its own.

I’m going to ignore the negative self talk because other reblogs cover that topic. So let’s talk about physical steps you can take to be a more effective person.

1. Health

Sick people are not effective people. If you aren’t getting food regularly or sleeping regularly, this can majorly screw up your ability to do things. I set up alarms and create routine so that I wake up at a regular time everyday, eat, and don’t forget to keep eating. So, I have a morning alarm(wake up, get dressed, make breakfast, take pills), an afternoon alarm(lunch), (dinner I am usually good about so no alarm) and two evening alarms; one to remind me to take my evening pills, another to remind me it is late and I need to get the fuck to bed now. You can set up alarms on phones and computers pretty easily and usually pick sounds for them. These alarms keep my life regular and in order for maximum effectiveness. If you have any difficulty eating or sleeping regularly, this is an easy and effective method to get yourself on track.

Nutrition. Don’t listen to fad diet things, but things like anemia or vitamin deficiency can make you fatigued, unfocused and generally in poor condition. Ifn you go to a doc(recommended) for low energy or depression or fatigue, they will often take a blood test to make sure you aren’t being ailed by a deficiency. I moved up north where getting enough sun to process vit d is hard, so I take supplements now because my levels were low when I went to see a doctor for help.

Exercise. I hate it so much you don’t even know. But it legitimately helps if you are suffering from low energy, depression, or low stamina. It is really hard to do, so the best way to actually get yourself to do it is find a method that appeals to you. Do you like parks? Small walk is a great start. Can you set up an exercise bike/treadmill by a tv so can get some movement while you watch something you like? Dancing games are great for some people. Some people work really well with social support, so finding friends to join you works for some people. What works for me is wiifit. I like the focus I get while aiming for a goal or overcoming a challenge that is also fun. I intermixed the balance games with some more generic exercises(that I still get focused on cuz they assess your balance and I just really like to win okay) that the game provides. It took me years to find wiifit and try a dozen different methods of exercising that didn’t work for me. There is no one size fits all.

Mental health. Knowing nothing about you I would say you probably have depression. You might not. I’m not a therapist and I will not presume to know what all happens in your brain. But, there are doctors for that. You can tell your regular doctor that you are concerned you might have depression and they have little questionnaires you can fill out to help find out! And in most cases, your regular doctor can help you with medication, though sometimes a psych is necessary if you need more complex medication help. Therapists can be used to help debug your brain, but they are also good for being an ear to listen, to help you make goals and keep you accountable to them(this would tie into you wanting to develop willpower btw), and be an external source to get perspective on things.

Environment. A surprisingly sneaky culprit to poor health. Poor light, mold, noise, lonliness, temperature irregularities, and just living some where that looks like a mess can all effect your health and your effectiveness. Poor air quality can make you prone to being sick, make you sick longer, and just generally lower your energy. Light effects your sleep and your vit d so it is important to get enough, but also have an adequately dark place for sleeping. Living with other people is often a necessity, and you don’t always get to choose who you live with. You can’t always change this, but being aware who and how(make too much noise, negative, conflicting brainbugs, not social enough ect) can help you figure out steps to personalize your small area and how you want your life to run to decrease negative impacts from the people around you. Being too hot makes people irritable have difficulty focusing. Being too cold makes people lethargic and your body spends energy trying to keep you warm. Being in a messy environment can make people distracted, overwhelmed, or even just plain unhappy. I am a very visual person and I need my environement to be pretty and organized to make me a happier and calmer person. Not everyone experiences this, but it does affect most people to some degree.

2. Problem solving

One of the key skills to making yourself a better person is being able to problem solve! So for example, you can’t get yourself to do the laundry. You want to do the laundry, but it just won’t happen. First thing you do is listen to yourself. What words and experiences come to mind? Is it because laundry is heavy? Does it smell? Do you have to travel far? Do dirty things feel gross? Does it feel like a wasted effort? Does bending to pick up clothes hurt? Do you get distracted in the middle of the process? It takes practice to listen and hear what your brain and body are telling you, but once you can hear the problem, you can start making solutions. You can line your hamper with scented trashbags to help with the smell, or break down the journey into shorter stopping points that are easier to manage. There are devices to help reach for things so you don’t have to bend, or you can put the hamper on a stool so it is easier to reach. There are a million problems that could be stopping your brain and I can’t possibly list or solve them all, but being able to solve for the problems increases your efficiency and effectiveness as a person.

And you might think to yourself “okay but what if I just did the thing instead”, well, if you aren’t successfully doing the thing, then that method isn’t very effective, is it? If you want to be an effective person, then you need to listen to your brain when it says there is a problem. Sometimes brains just need to be listened to, and after it whines that the color of your sheets are terrible and you can’t sleep on them, you can tell it “you are right brain, but I can’t fix that right now” and you can resume your action. Sometimes brains are telling you that no, actually, right now you can’t do the thing because x. Sometimes x is temporary(maybe a stressy day), sometimes x is more long term( it hurts when bending over), but that doesn’t make the reason less legitimate. So, listen to your brain. Solve where you can, listen and acknowledge when you can’t. Ask roommates or friends to help you solve problems or deal with steps you can’t do. Learn to work with yourself instead of against yourself, and you will get far.

Was having this conversation with a friend recently, because he wanted advice on Not Feeling Things. And was frustrated that people always gave advice on dealing with the feeling, but he wanted to not have it.

But… Your brain is really good at having emotions, because emotions are basically there to be like alarms. You know how some alarm clocks are designed so that they get louder over time if you don’t respond to them? Brains do that. If you are not acknowledging and processing an emotion, your brain says “oh, shit, they didn’t notice, BETTER MAKE IT LOUDER”. If you acknowledge the thing and react in some way, your brain sais “okay, good job, we called attention to the thing, we can stop now.”

So it’s important to acknowledge the experiences and emotions, so your brain can feel like it did its job. And don’t forget that the alarms are usually at least somewhat about things you could actually care about.

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so the sonicfox thing got me thinking. i was talking about how weird it is to me that people are super upset by furries. like. why? i don’t see the problem. people wanna wear animal costumes? okay. fine by me.

and then i realized that, at various times, i’ve said pretty much exactly this about race, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity…

basically the world is full of people who are super mad that other people aren’t them, and this makes no sense to me at all. it’s like if people started talking loudly about how cats are awful because they walk on all four limbs, don’t have opposable thumbs, and don’t have written language, and basically we need to do something about the Cat Menace or they’ll continue being cats instead of being humans. and then the next day they’re talking about how birds are awful because they fly and basically flying is evil and probably God’s punishment for their sins.

and it just keeps happening. people encounter something, and say “ugh! that’s awful! i don’t feel like doing that, how can we use violence to stop other people from enjoying something i don’t feel like doing?” or “what the hell! that person looks different from me. can we use force to punish them?”

it is so weird. i am aware that, to the people experiencing this, it feels like it’s in some way different from being utterly outraged that some people have different colors of hair, or that some people like different colors from other people, but seriously, it’s not different. it’s exactly the fucking same. source: i’ve been watching y'all do it for a long time now, i seriously can’t tell your bullshit apart.

all the bigotry is the same, and it’s not just that i have a moral objection to it, that came a great deal later. it just looks completely stupid. you know the thing where the dog barks furiously because there’s a mailman at the same time every day and what if it’s not allowed today even though it was perfectly okay the last 400 times? you are making that dog look smart.

i wholeheartedly agree, but i’m still uncomfortable with furries… because the furry culture is so tightly tied to childrens cartoons while being very sexual, it seems predatory towards children. even when the people don’t always intend it to be. when you take something that’s very appealing to children or originating from childrens media and make it sexual it will always have this uncomfortable air around it. the “furries arent always about sexual things” and “not everybody does that” arguments don’t make any difference here. that said, furries have every right to do whatever they do, but it might be important to understand why some people might be uncomfortable with it, right?

I think it’s important to understand it, but like. I have seen nothing at all in furry culture that struck me as “predatory towards children”. First off, I’m not at all sure that furry culture is in general very sexual; so far as I can tell, that’s more a question of which furry things people talk about. Because the sexual stuff is interesting and people have strong reactions to it.

But… Also, people are usually into kid stuff when they’re first starting to explore their own sexuality. Thus the huge amount of Sonic the Hedgehog porn content. But that’s not a thing that starts with adults targeting kid things; that’s a thing that starts with kids starting to think about sex.

And once you have that information, it stops seeming particularly predatory or creepy, at least to me. Like, I see why people are uncomfortable with it, but then, I also see why people are uncomfortable with gays. I also see why people are uncomfortable with people with different skin colors, who sometimes have *gasp* different cultural norms, too.

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