Lately, I’ve been a lot happier. I’ve been better off. Something I see a lot on this site is people letting their mental illnesses consume them. I’m in no way blaming anyone for that since I know that it’s so so so difficult to not let it do that to you. but I slowly realized that if I could break the cycle, then maybe I could get better. I looked at my actions, started holding myself accountable for what I was doing and saying, and I tried to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. “I want to kill myself.” No. I don’t want to kill myself. I want to be happier. Well, what is preventing me from being happy? What can I do to change what is changeable? It’s so important to remember that in order for things to change, YOU have to be the one to put in that effort and make a change. Stop waiting for change to happen on its own, because it won’t. I noticed that when I started taking steps to make myself happier, it became easier and easier to get better. It was like a domino effect. I became so assertive with my mental health. I WILL get better, and I’m not letting anything stop me. Even if it takes a while, I’m going to make changes that will help me enjoy life even if it’s just a little bit more. Of course, I’m not 100% healed. I still have a lot of anxiety, I’m still self-conscious, I still find myself feeling the rollercoaster of bpd emotions. But I’ve learned how to manage a lot. My anxiety has gone down (partially due to changing my thoughts, partially due to Ativan). I’ve learned how to not have bpd rage episodes towards the people I love. I’ve learned how to be satisfied with talking to several people rather than relying on just one person. I’ve become so much more grateful for everything in my life and it’s honestly so refreshing to feel happier. So I encourage everyone who follows me to take a step back and realize that although change can be scary, it is the best thing I’ve ever done to myself. It can be so difficult at first, and there will be days where you feel like you’re backpedaling, but I promise you that in the long run, it gets easier and easier to get better if you just start. I love you guys and I hope you guys all one day feel recovered. 

*This post isn’t trying to bash on people who struggle with this. I know everyone’s situations are different and it’s likely you could be in a situation that you can’t change (e.g. feeling depressed due to parents who don’t accept your sexuality). I just wanted to share the mentality that got me to finally start getting better. I just hope that at least one person reads this and gets some motivation, or just sees that it is possible to recover and that it feels so good to. I have a lot to say abt this topic. If you ever need someone to talk to, or you need advice, feel free to PM me. 

In the last few years I’ve had the exact same experience as OP. It’s a long hard road to follow, but believe me, others have travelled down it before and so can you!

Okay, that may have been a bit corny, but it’s true. Determination is key. It may sound silly but one thing that helped me is that I pretended there was a biography written about be and how I was someone who never gave up. When things got (get) hard, I kept thinking “she always managed to push through” &c, like it was already said and done.

I still struggle at times. Anxiety is a big one for me. But I’m going to continue to work on it.

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