// I’m replying to random drafts just to kind of get writing
I miss this kind of writing
Maaan I have no intention of going home but I keep getting so many calls and I feel guilty… But nothing changes when I go back.. I also just cannot deal with the constant back and forth arguing my mom and brother do. Or the nagging and the subtle wishes that I’d date a Southern Chinese boy instead cause “Sooji” doesn’t speak Chinese. The weight complaint…hair…. I can think of a million reasons not to go home but I’m always bogged down by guilt for not going. Ugh
The reason I struggle so much with my resumes and cover letters and why even having gone to the career center at east 4 times now with them, taking the advice given to me has done nothing is simply that I haven’t accomplished anything. I find the impossible task of faking meaning in meaningless years of wasted time. I remain no more than a prime example of a student who may “excel” in courses, but falls through the cracks of the education system, with no impact and no truly useful and appealing abilities.
I am nothing. And nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could. And any big action or buzz-words that fill the page are futile. Much like myself.