Send me 📝 and I’ll do an in character doodle of your muse.
sorry I’ve been posting about being bad so much if you’re tired of reading that then don’t read this
so like. feeling like I’m bad and manipulative is a huge problem for me because that’s how my father is and if I were to turn out to be anything like him I’d literally have to completely isolate myself so that I didn’t hurt anyone.
but I feel so horrible? I vent about my shit on the internet all the time because I don’t know what else to do and then people try to comfort me but it makes me feel like I manipulated them into saying nice things about me because what else are they supposed to say? it’s not like anyone who I’m friends/mutuals with would be like ‘yup you sure are right you’re a horrible person’ that just wouldn’t happen. it must be such a chore for friends/mutuals on here to constantly be like “no you’re not that way” because then I also can’t accept that they might be telling the truth because how can they be when I’m such a shit person, and I’m so sorry I owe such a big apology to everyone for putting up with that shit.
but even expressing my feelings about this is manipulative too? because that just starts a vicious cycle. I’m bad for posting about it people message me about it it makes me feel guilty and then I feel guilty that it made me feel guilty etc etc. and then sometimes I feel like maybe I make posts like these just for validation? I like being told that I’m good but not like this. I don’t want it under these circumstances. but I also hate feeling like this. why can’t I just sort through my shit myself instead of posting about it? why is it NECESSARY? I’ve done this for YEARS and WHY? I’m so horrible!!!!!! why can’t I shut up!!!! save it all for my therapist!!!!!! wow!!!!!! w h a t a r e v o l u t i o n a r y i d e a .
So 3.3 comes out next Tuesday! Which means it’s time for Azee’s usual post for spoiler tags!
Please tag: 3.3 spoilers, revenge of the horde spoilers, roth spoilers and your general spoilers tag!
I’ll be tagging: MSQ, Mhach (Weeping City, second stage of the Void Ark storyline). Hildibrand and Relic. MSQ will also include CS’s from Sohr Khai because of story related reasons. Palace of the Dead (depending).
What I’ll not be tagging: Relic (depending), new gear/items/stuff, housing things and other various little things including Aquapolis and the Palace of the Dead (maybe).
I’ll be tagging spoilers until July 7th, which means I’ll be tagging them for more or less a month! If I feel the need to, I’ll extend it.
Remember guys, spoilers ruin it for everyone, so don’t be that guy!
See you all on Tuesday!
i’m gonna post this on here because . i don’t want this to go on my main . because not participating in the fandom . lmao .
anyways idk why everyone’s so hellbent on shipping Jack and parsons (I think that’s his name) together, sometimes with bitty and in the present too, like ???? i get the feeling that parsons is basically the victor trevor of the cp! canon, and while i hesitate to call his relationship with jack abusive (because we’re given so little background information and what little we are is not reliable) , but like . the only time they showed up together in the comic parsons cornered jack, and then proceeded to ?? i’m not sure what the right word for this is but ?? verbally assault him ???? that’s not quite it but anyways ??? Jack was clearly uncomfortable and deeply upset by the end of it so like . whatever they had clearly didn’t end well and Jack clearly doesn’t want to be with him anymore (because parsons offers and Jack turns him down) so I have like . no idea why so many people would ship something that very clearly shouldn’t happen lmao
i mean i guess if you want to explore it within the context of their past relationship go ahead but . it reminds me too much of what happened with my abusive ex to make me comfortable with people shipping it in the present lmao
I feel like the worst person
But my best friend from childhood (basically my sister) is really just idk
I’m jealous of and annoyed by her?
Everything has always worked out for her. She went to college, did well, graduated, went to school again for a few months (she’s a nanny). She lands a job in Texas where she makes more per week than I do in a month doing what she loves.
She meets a guy, marries him, and he’s an electrical engineer so he makes bank.
She’s always flaunting on Facebook all the nice expensive stuff he buys for her…flowers all the time, nice dinners, etc.
Now they’re getting a house (moving in in a month) and want to start trying for a baby pretty soon.
She’s not even three months older than me, and it’s just all worked out for fucking perfectly for her and I’m mad because I’m a bad person
Um there was a family meeting and my sister and I found out the results of the MRI that my mom had. Her brain is shrinking and has a specific form of Alzheimer’s. It’s terminal and her life span is 3-8 years from onset but we don’t know when it started. So it’ll be touch and go.
I’m glad that poked and prodded her into seeing the doctor about her memory though or we would have found out after it was severe. So now we can spend a lot more time together and laugh at our stupid tv shows and plan some vacations and bug the living daylights out of each other.
We are planning a vacation in the winter too because we love going to tourist traps to be biggest tourists ever. Especially the ones around here that go all out for Christmas.
I don’t want to loose my mom. My family is very supportive of each other and I know that we’ll be spending a lot of quality time and keep laughing. Sometimes we make each other want to rip our hair out at times but we love each other and always have a good time together.
And if my extended family isn’t supportive of her or rude to her in any way after my dad tells them then I will fight every single one of them. Or if they are not nice to my dad about it. I’ll make jackets that say “mom defense squad” on them. (Im kidding but my mom would get a massive kick out of it)
Her family is driving her crazy because she moved to a different state away from them. But we’re doing trips to go see them and some other family members. They will dote on her like crazy when they see her and will probably plan a big party to stuff her full of love and good food because that’s how that side of the family rolls. It’s a good thing that she’s retired now so we can all spend time with her.
But still I found out that my mom is dying and its just hard. I apologize in advance if I post either excessive sad stuff or excessive happy corny stuff to cheer me up. I just don’t know how to process this.
So I start taking antidepressants tomorrow and I’m genuinely terrified that I’m kind of just going to be a shell.
But then again my baseline feelings right now are just nothing so I’m willing to give this thing a shot.
But still. I don’t really want to sleep right now. Because I could just end up really fucking low.
I probably have no clue as to what I’m talking about whatsoever but there is no way I can have this trigger
No. Not now of all times.
No no no no no
Cancer can not be a mental trigger for me
Some people have triggers with blood or gore or nsfw stuff but no mine has to be fricking cancer
Especially while my uncle has several different cancers and it’s a main thing my mom has to talk about these days
destroy gender norms so I can stop feeling like I have to validate that I’m a trans man when I do something “girly” or am willing work around the fact that I do have a female body that I can and will use to my advantage if I damn well please, because yes I may just fucking want children and that’s the easy way–even when I am TERRIFIED because of gender dysphoria and knowing it’s going to fuck with me, but I think, yes, very much, if I find a person who will hold my hand through how hard it’ll be for me, I want to have children with that person
So I went to my psychotherapy yesterday and it went well and it turns out I’ve already been referred to the gender clinic so I’m on the waiting list, but then when my parents came home I told them and my mum was like okay. But then later on she started crying and she’d rather be dead than see me male and that when I tried to kill myself she’d rather I didn’t wake up than see me come back to begin my transition….. And then had the cheek to tell me that there’s no reason for me to not feel loved and that I’m always wanted at home…
I don’t want to live here and I don’t feel wanted at all but I have no where to go and I’d just feel bad house hopping because I don’t have the money to help on bills or anything. I’m actually useless. Maybe my mother is right. Maybe it would be better if I was dead.
Can I just say that I think the Christian notion of “no sex before marriage” is actually really harmful. I think it encourages early marriage that wouldn’t have happened if the mantra didn’t exist. So many young Christian girls are getting married in their late teens or early twenties now and that’s so sad to me. It breaks my heart. So many girls are getting married before they have an education or a stable job, and will this depend mostly on the men. I think that young marriages among Christians would radically decrease in popularity if “no sex before marriage” wasn’t a thing. I’m not saying that’s their only reason for not waiting but i know it plays a part. I also think it’s a very real form of slut shaming and it pins girls against one another. Christians cannot say they don’t look differently and someone who’s had a lot of premarital sex versus someone who hasn’t it.
So heelys were banned in my school but for Halloween in like 7th grade I dressed up as a witch and brought a broomstick with me and everything and I wore my heelys with my costume because I couldn’t find any of my other shoes that morning. My English teacher told me that I had to take the wheels out because they were against school rules but I convinced her that they were stuck and also that they were a part of my costume. When she asked me to explain I told her that I’d show her at the costume contest that my school did every year and she said okay. We got to the auditorium and it was our class’ turn to go on stage and as I got up to the stage I got on my broomstick and glided across the stage on my heelys and when I got to the other side where my teacher was standing, she just looked at me, leaned over, and whispered “Nice save” and gave me a fist bump. And they’s the story of how I broke a rule and got away with it because I’m the ultimate badass